The smell of fresh wax and candles.

We latch onto many things throughout our lives, and a great number of them are smells we associate with memories. Good or bad, these smells are powerful. For husbands, the fragrances our wives wear are intimately tied together with our love for them. The smells of childhood imprint on us so powerfully that we can be sent back to our youth with just a whiff. And then there are the smells we just like to have around: candles, cedar, evergreen needles, and many more.

I find it interesting how we build huge industries around fragrances of all kinds. How much money do we spend just to smell nice? What about candles for our homes? Our cars? It seems nearly every activity and location in our lives is filled with good smells. That means it's not just important, but essential to who we are as people. In fact, we even bury our loved ones with beautiful things surrounding them.

Knowing this, I think it's important to pay attention to what things are cherished by the people we care about. Scents make wonderful birthday presents, unexpected gifts, and sensational house warming presents. I prefer candles, because they come in a huge variety and are easy to turn on and off (fire is great for that you know). It's a fine fabulous feeling to give something special to friends and family. I promise.

- M

Home is where the heart dwells.

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Have you ever been away from your home for a lengthy time? When you return, it's much more than sleeping in your own bed, surrounded by things you treasure. Home encapsulates everything we hold most dear: our family, our memories, our love. We lavish money on our homes, turning them into outward expressions of ourselves. By doing so, we put our hearts there and make it comfortable. Home is safe, cherished, desirable, and certain. Losing a home is crushing, even when nothing else is lost. Home is a sanctuary, where we can go to escape the villainy of life.

When we finally grow to the age where we leave our parent's house and fly to our own, it's tough and challenging. Until that point, we relied on someone else to provide the impetus to turn a place into a home. Crafting your own home for the first time is a mountainous achievement, yet we must go through the process or we never grow to full adulthood. Baby birds must eventually leave the nest. It's frightening and wonderful all at once. You'll never be the same again.

I think the concept of home is as natural as the need to breathe. We crave a place to belong, where we are totally ourselves (warts and all), and where the world only intrudes as much as we allow. Our hearts form a lasting bond with our homes--hardly a surprise, considering we spend a large portion of our lives therein. As a parent, I also want my home to be home for my children; a sanctuary they can run to when they cry and hurt. Maybe that's why we usually make it a point to compliment someone's home, and why the owners are so happy and proud to receive the kind words.

- M

Love is incredible.

Image by: Amanda

I am married and my wife has given me three incredible children. I was thinking about love, and thought back on parenting advice I've often heard: "Don't have a favorite child." I was confounded by the concept. It didn't seem possible. Yet, as a father, I can honestly say my love is total for each of my children. My heart isn't split four ways. It's full. I love them all completely, unequivocally, and without condition. You see, love is like that. You can love all of your children with your whole heart. If you are blessed with another child, your heart will embrace the gift absolutely and won't break. It's a miracle of life.

I'll never forget the births of my children. My wife and I happily counted the days until the expected time, then struggled through the process, and finally a fresh life entered the wide world. I can't imagine another time when such overwhelming love will wrap around me. Breathtaking. The yearning and joy and hope which infuses a crying and wriggling little baby is mind boggling. Yet, no matter how many are added, your heart happily adds another without missing a beat. There is never-ending room inside the wellspring of love. What an incredible gift love is!

Maybe this is why we value love so highly? True love is cherished and treasured, while betrayal of that love is hated and despised. It's a sign of something greater in our lives, and we yearn for it. Greek tragedies often center around the single concept of lost love, and modern romances are practically dripping with it. Love crosses all barriers, brings us closer, and binds us in ways too deep to express.

I have an answer to an old riddle: "What do you give the person who has everything?"

Give them love.

- M

Lessons from my brother

My brother, the pilot

My brother is a pilot. The enormity of that statement is pretty incredible, since I can't think of a single time in my life when he wanted to be anything else. He was a military pilot first and has now moved into commercial piloting. I have no doubt he is in the top echelon of ability (as he proved so well in the military that he became an instructor pilot and did the check rides of all the base officers). But, watching him reach and grasp his dream isn't all of what he taught me.

Despite all our arguing, fights, antagonizing, pestering, chiding, bullying, yelling and generally acting like siblings, my brother taught me the importance of many things. He demonstrated a vast love of reading (though he is a speed reader and I cherish every word), gave me the ability to analyze situations for possible gains, instilled a deep yearning for protecting those I care about, showed me that two people working together are far better at making things happen than a single person alone, and probably the most important of all: that brothers stick together forever.

I regret the times I haven't felt this way. Yes, as a child we were cruel to each other, as siblings often are, but I'm more mature now and I have set those memories aside. I love my brother. Because of him, I know there is always a man I can turn to for help and support. We don't talk as much as I'd like, though we nearly always find something to laugh about when we do. Life just wouldn't be the same without him.

For those of you with brothers and sisters, I pray you will cherish them with all your being. Life is uncertain and often tragic. What a shame it would be to lose them, with thoughts unsaid or love unexpressed. Poetically speaking, your family shares your heartbeat and feel your pains and triumphs in equal measure. Let them know.

- M

Mothers in stories

We all love our moms. We talk about them, cry out for them when we hurt, and hold up signs saying "Hi, mom," at sporting events. So, it's no great surprise to find caring mothers inside our stories. Sure, some stories cast mothers as psychos from the nether realms, but usually mothers lead charmed literary lives. I grew up with the model moms from "Leave it to Beaver" and "The Andy Griffith Show." (For those who haven't seen such ancient shows, these moms were impossibly perfect and infinitely patient. We adored them.) Mothers give us our lives, nurse us, kiss our boo-boos, read us bedtime stories and generally be really nice to us (fathers have their own day, so their contributions are for another time).

This was just too cute not to include here.

Because of all this, mothers are incredible emotional touchstones. Authors use these connections to quickly imply depth in characters, since the way people behave toward their mothers demonstrates a vast array of emotions and will get a story into high gear very quickly. Also, everyone has a mother and father, so the whole world can relate. Yup, it's a useful shortcut, so why not use it?

I think back on my experiences with my own mother, and I can't help but smile. She's an inspiration and role model to me and my children. My wife's mother, gone now to glory, was also an exceptional influence on me. So, when I read a book, watch a movie, or listen to a song about mothers, it's impossible not to think of the fine women in my own life. I owe my life to them--one for my birth and raising, and the other for my wife and best friend. Discovering a story with such a mother is a gift in itself, and a welcome connection to mothers in general.

- M

Faith, hope, and love; family needs it all.

Groundhogs have family too
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Family is a firm center in everyone's lives. We all come from a father and mother, though we don't all share the blessings of remaining in that state. Wherever you find yourself, family is vital to health and happiness. Don't forget our siblings either, because they better understand us than anyone else. Family defines us, provides heartfelt values, and deepest love. Family gives us wings, trains us to fly, and lets us wing our way into the sky.

Whatever we do in life, there's a bit of our family inside it. To the heights of praise, or the depths of misery, our family is near to our thoughts. I pray there's more good than bad, more love than hate, and more hope than despair. Family is worth the time and effort to keep strong. Like most things, it takes care and attention to maintain a strong family relationship. While there's no magic solution to difficulties, there's plenty of resources available if you're struggling.

So, if your family is being a pain and annoyance, I hope you'll realize that family is still valuable beyond measure. Funny thing about treasure--it's value is what you believe it is, because even diamonds are only shiny stones to those who don't recognize them. With all the pain and suffering in the world, it's nice to have a family at your side. Give your parents a kiss. Hug your brothers and sisters. Show them just how important they are to you. Maybe you'll laugh, maybe you'll cry, and just maybe you'll experience the wonders of family all over again.

- M

Tribute to children

My precious, lovely, darling children

Children are the future of humanity, the pride of their parents, and the joy of old age. It's impossible to count their value, their potential, and their ability. They are life's great gift, a chance to pass on our values and traditions, and hopefully build a better world. Parent's naturally put their hopes into their children, wanting the best for them, and do sometimes push too hard. It's hard to know when you've done enough as a parent, because doubts always arise.

Despite our flaws as parents, children have inherited the world and done pretty well with it. I find it incredible how often we hear of desperate poverty spawning a splendid genius, or depravity turned into greatness. It's awe-inspiring to see the flexibility of children, their desire to learn, and their incredible motivation to keep moving. One thing about children (particularly the very young), they are always on the move. Trying to stifle such momentum is like putting a stop to the tides, or asking the rain not to fall.

Children should have the deepest love and nurture possible, but many times don't. That's tragic and heart-breaking. I wish I could snap my fingers and change it, but the world is a cruel place. Yet, I find myself walking through a store aisle and hear, "Hey, mister, why are you so tall?" I turn to find a beaming face turned upward, gawking at my size with utmost wonder. How could anyone not smile and laugh? Yes, children are a treasure with no equal.

- M

Hearth and Home and Fireplaces.

Until we moved into our current home, we've never had a fireplace. Sure, I've been around them all my life, but only as a visitor. Now, I wish I'd had one all along. There's something very special about sitting next to a crackling fire, snuggled up with your sweetheart, and talking. It's charmingly magical. Of course, most fireplaces do generate quite a lot of heat, so they do have a great amount of usefulness. But, for us it's mainly a wonderful luxury, and I'm grateful to have it.

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I've enjoyed campfires throughout my life. I've roasted marshmallows over them, sang songs around them, and fallen in love beside them. The romantic in me wants to carry a portable fireplace wherever I go, though that's not entirely possible. I do get to cook on a grill, so that's fun, but there's no comparison to the warmth of a fireplace.

One thing I've found very interesting about the fireplace is our cats don't seem to care. They've sniffed the heat, nosed the cooling embers, but haven't basked in the warmth even a moment. I'm not sure why. Perhaps they don't like all the reflected heat? Maybe it's the dancing flames that spook them? I'm not sure. Whatever the reason, they sure have disappointed me. I was certain I'd go to the kitchen to get a cup of hot chocolate and find both cats lounging on my seat. Oh well. Life isn't always fair, is it?

- M

Family meals are a true blessing.

Painting by Norman Rockwell

I think it's fair to say we all love food to a certain degree--hopefully in a healthy way. Growing up, my family always ate the evening meal together, at the dinner table. Our modern, chaotic, haphazard, and ridiculous schedules topple this concept much of the time. However, I still think it's important to gather at the table and eat. It's important. It's fun. It's worthwhile.

Why?

The main reason is so the family can get caught up on each other's lives. We need personal contact, and to ignore that reality is to the detriment of us all. We bond over food, and always have. Being together also encourages talking and getting to know each other. Sure, we hopefully enjoy good food, but it's the fellowship with loved ones that's primary in my mind.

Our lives are so busy, it's hard to find the time to get everyone all in one place. But, take the time and effort to do so. You'll quickly discover how treasured these moments become. I regret not spending more time with my children at the table. How is it we have all the time we need for silly activities, yet so little for the ones that truly matter? I'm not sure. What I do know is I hate regret, and leap at the opportunity to gather and talk and eat.

- M

Why are families so strange?

I refuse to believe that my family is the only odd, goofy, weird, and crazy group of genetically similar humans on the planet. It's become a joke that whenever my parents come in for a visit that the weather turns foul and deadly--true maybe half the time, so pretty good odds actually. My brother flies planes, when he isn't fiddling with horses, and I write stories. Yup, we're just a normal and typical family. Maybe I should have business cards printed?

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There are so many experiences that I remember with terrific fondness, such as the summer vacation to a lake where I basically turned into a walking wrecking ball. Apparently everything I did went gaspingly wrong, just not tragically. They called me, "Thumbs." Yes, I love those memories. Or, when my brother spent a summer working with a group to build a newly designed plane called the "Angel." Perfect name for a plane, actually. I've never since met such a band of strange, odd, and curious people who blended together to create something truly wondrous. We took lots of great pictures, and I got a private plane ride that I'll never forget.

You see, family is far more than the people making it up. There's love and experience and togetherness. I understand how some are tough and harsh, but as the saying goes: we don't get to pick our families. Families are worth the trouble ... even if they are weird.

- M

Children make life better.

My wife and I are blessed with three children. I love children, and am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of raising these three. What is endlessly fascinating is how you see the world all over again through a new set of eyes. Everything is experienced all over again, especially the things you figured were common and normal. Like mud.. what is the deal with mud? Children practically roll around in it, eat it, make pies from it, and love to show you their creations. Weird.

In stories, children are somewhat of a hit-or-miss aspect. While they can be charming, they can also be annoying. I think the reason is because of their innate immaturity (which is clearly expected) that gets them into trouble. I still cringe at the little girl in the book form of "Jurassic Park" (the movie changed it up and made the little boy the annoying one), yet one of my favorite stories is "The Neverending Story" which features many kids and is incredibly charming. There's quite a lot of discussion on the topic of children in movies, but I think it's overall a good thing. We naturally relate to children, because we all were one at some point (even if we don't admit it), but the lack of maturity can easily trample the film.

Children are a blessing to us, no doubt about it. I admire anyone with more than six these days; it must be difficult keeping control of the chaos. With children, parents quickly learn responsibility of a whole new type and grow up even more. And, we get the pleasure of watching young minds grow and prosper under our tutelage. Big responsibility, but also a very big payoff.

- M

Crafting heirlooms to last generations

My wife creates beautiful quilts and cross-stich projects. We have a home decorated with many examples, and new ones all the time. I'm dazzled by her art. What makes me love them even more, is how they are sure to be cherished by our grandchildren. I know my wife will make more for every one of them, it's part of the fun for her. Crafting something that lasts is a real pleasure.

A marvelous quilt my wife made for a music teacher friend.

We humans create incredible art from the most insignificant objects, even objects which melt within a few hours, and only get better at the crafts with time. How much would a sketch Da Vinci drew on a napkin be worth today? Yet it perhaps took the master only a few quick minutes of doodling to fashion. Then, move to heirlooms--many taking years to complete--and watch the value skyrocket! Sentimental value is frequently far greater than any actual monetary value.

Heirlooms are passed on to the next generations, as treasures to keep within the family. Isn't it interesting how things with such high value aren't spent? Yes, we do value memories much more than money, despite what popular culture may say about it. I have my grandfather's old Bible, and I'll never part with it simply because it's a connection with him--a physical heirloom I can hold and remember. I'll bet that years down the line, our children will cuddle up underneath one of my wife's quilts and smile with warm memories. Ah, it's good to have heirlooms!

- M

They never really grow up, do they?

We have three marvelous children who are growing up far too quickly. I've often told them I won't allow it any more, and they must immediately stop growing up, but they haven't listened. I'm growing concerned that they actually have no intention of stopping, and want to become adults whether I approve or not. Maybe I should ground them?

At the same time, I do understand that my children will remain my children no matter how old they become. It's the tragedy of parents. We want our children to become fine men and women, yet hate to see them leave. We love their childish innocence, yet hope to see maturity and wisdom. We yearn for them to strike out on their own, yet fear for their safety. It's like being a parent is an exercise in contained terror, mixed with overwhelming emotions of love and laughter. Or, maybe I'm just going insane?

We all know the story of Peter Pan, the boy who wouldn't grow up. Throughout the story, Peter refuses to change, while the Darling children mature. It's a great story because the audience is faced with the inevitability of growing up, yet can still pretend to fight it. Sure, I joke about banning my children from getting older, but I sure don't mean it for real. My deepest desire is to watch with pride as they face the world, prepared and confident in their decisions.

Although ... maybe they could stay children for a little longer ...

- M

Over or under, the great bathroom debate.

How is it possible that such a simple aspect of life can become such a topic for conflict? I'm talking about toilet paper of course. Does it go up and over, or under? This is such a thorny issue that it many times becomes more disagreeable than putting down the toilet seat--another tricky issue. Isn't it amazing how bent out of shape some people get about such topics? Kinda hard to believe, but relationships have been torn apart due to things as goofy as this. Can't we all just get along?


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Take a look at your own life, and tell me there aren't little things that upset you. My wife and I can now laugh about one of my little idiosyncrasies--closing cabinet doors, ugh, I was such an idiot back then. Maybe it's having furniture in certain position, or books out of sequence, or tools in their correct place? Yes, obsessive compulsion could be part of it, but I think we don't like whatever order we've created being disrupted by someone else. It's a matter of control.

Does control mean so much to us, that we can't allow toilet paper to be "wrong?" Pretty silly when you think about it that way. Cheer up, though, since there's hope for you yet! Spot the craziness in your life and cut it out. See, easy. Does it really matter if you have to roll the toilet paper a different direction? I know you love your car, but does a tiny scratch on the paint ruin your life? Don't let it wreck your life. There are lots of things more important, and dare I say it ... nearly everything is more important.

Don't sweat the little things; put your energy into what truly matters.

- M

Sharing is caring ... but, but, but it's mine!

One of the first lessons we learn as kids is to share. I admit it's a bit of a strange concept, even for adults. We work hard to earn something and then are expected to share it without recompense? But, it's mine! Yeah, tough thing to do. Despite the fact that much of our lives is given willingly and openly. For some reason, sharing our toys is almost going too far.

 

There's a scene in the recent movie, "Guardians of the Galaxy" where the main hero--StarLord--has finally recovered his music device (a Sony Walkman cassette tape player), which is his only link to his dead mother. Another hero asks why it was so important, and StarLord hands over the device without a second thought or worry. It's immensely valuable to him, and he has no problem sharing it. Wow, that's a surprising example to see. The last time I did that, I got my book back with water damage--grrrr.

 

Possession is a funny concept actually. Who is doing the possessing? When we have trouble sharing, then I think there's a good argument toward either side being the possessor. We have a word for people who don't share--selfish. Sure, it's used in a harmful way at times, but for the most part we understand the need to share what we have. If we hold onto things too tightly, they rule our lives and we are no longer free. By sharing we actually free ourselves from a sort of prison. It's a neat concept, and we know it's so valuable that we teach our children from the beginning about it.

 

Who could have guessed parents were so smart? Amazing!

 

- M

Long distance travel

It was marvelous having my parents come over for the weekend. 15 hour drive. Ouch. And, yet, long-distance travel is a great business. We can wish for faster transport, but for now at least it's either car, plane, bus, or boat. If you're going a long way, then it'll take some time. And, we travel for fun and love and business. People travel all over the world, then turn around and do it again. Where are those teleporters we were promised?

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When we finally get into space colonization, it'll make trips around the world seem like going to the market for groceries. It's nearly impossible to comprehend the vast distances involved. Trips will take months and years. How far will we go? Can we make it to another star? Another galaxy? It's fun to think about.

 

What about travel underwater? Scuba diving doesn't offer much exploration of the vast oceans, and submarines don't have much of a view. Between space and underwater, I think my own romantic inclinations lean toward the water. Space is vast, yet empty. The depths are full of life, some yet to be discovered and others bewilderingly alien. Wouldn't it be amazing to be the first to see new life?

 

And, all that from simply traveling somewhere. Incredible.

 

- M

Fall Break!

Ah, the notorious Fall Break is upon us. As a kid, I was excited. As a parent, I'm thinking of what to ask my children to do--which, I'm sure my children thoroughly appreciate. I can't say I ever took serious advantage of the break myself. Most times I just sat in my room, reading, drawing, playing games, or generally doing as little as possible.

 

We take breaks as adults as well, though we generally call them vacations or holidays. Just like our kids, we do very little beyond sightseeing or having fun. It's a time to unwind, enjoy friends, and take life less seriously. I think we don't take them often enough. Even little get-aways are a good thing. It doesn't need to be a multi-week experience, but can easily encompass a single day.

 

I don't begrudge my kids settling back and taking things easy (so long as they get their chores done). Life demands so much of us in adulthood, it's hard to see beyond it. Maybe that's why Peter Pan is such a loved hero? A boy who can't grow up, and get's to play forever. Hmm, maybe I could get some tights and a little knife and a goofy hat ... all it takes is a happy thought, right?

 

-- M

Off to the Fair!

I had the splendid opportunity to go to the State Fair with my wife. She won two 1st prize ribbons for her quilts! Way to go, sweetheart! I'm so very proud of her. I'm glad she finally took the risk and entered. Even more, we got to spend a whole evening together, just walking around and looking at thing. Yes, we did a bit of spending, but on the whole we did very well.

 

What really surprised me was the 4-H exhibits. Wow! Where did you find so many different kinds of leaves? Or butterflies? And, yikes!! That THING is an insect around here? Great googamooga. I'd flee, screaming my head off, if that beast came at me. No, I don't care that it's harmless. The thing is a mutant dinosaur butterfly and I don't want it near me! I don't know what it was, other than "colossus" was in the title and it was an insect with wings. Terrifying.

This is it: Giant Dobsonfly (world's largest insect)

Yes, that's an adult hand holding it. I'd scream like a little girl if it flew at me.

Beyond the insects were the crafts. Incredible. All those kinds of bread, woodcarvings, pottery, needlework, cookies, cakes, and on and on and on. I can't say I've ever had cause to look at them before, and now wish I had. Simply amazing. On the way in, I bought a new cowboy hat (I like wearing one, to let my family know I'm writing). We enjoyed some State Fair foods, watched the people, and enjoyed ourselves.

 

I am so very glad we went. I look forward to next year ... just ... no bugs.

 

- M

Last minute craziness!

Have you ever waited until the very last moment to get something done?

Yup, I sure have. I probably drove my parents crazy with all my last minute homework and projects. Hey, I can't be the only kid who slapped together their science project the night before, right? Right? Yeah, well, I'm not perfect. I have gotten better though. Most importantly, I kind of have a schedule for things that I do. Especially writing duties--although sometimes it feels like I'm strangling my Muse rather than being inspired. If I put things off these days I feel broken ... ok, no, I can't really say that with a straight face. I do try though.

 

The strange thing is I never meant to delay, and I sure didn't like the pressure of last minute projects. The worst part was knowing there was no time to spare, and I would be forced to pull an all nighter just to get it done. Yuck. It's a good sign of maturity when someone gets a task done ahead of schedule, rather than procrastinating. The wise plan ahead, while the fool falls behind. My parents tried to teach me that throughout my childhood, but only now do I really understand how important that lesson was. Thanks mom and dad, I get it now!

 

And now the cycle has turned to me as parent instructing my own children. Yup, I've been cursed with carbon copies of myself. Augh! How many times have I pulled my hair out trying to get them to do something this century? Oh how cruel the wheel of fate is ... or, maybe I've just been run over by recycled history. Either way, I'm still trying to get my kids to do things in a timely fashion. Well, hopefully they get it before their boss smacks some sense into them. Life is cruel when it teaches lessons. If I could go back in time, I'd give myself a stern talking to and maybe then I'd pay more attention to the wisdom of my parents.

 

- M

Quilts for days!

My wife love quilts. She has made many of them, and is always working on one or two or a dozen. There are cross-stich quilts, rag quilts, pieces quilts, and many pattern quilts. She's fond of giving them away to friends and family too. I'm amazed by her generosity, especially considering all the time and money invested in the quilts. I bet everyone who gets them treasures them as heirlooms. They really are that good.

 

In a way, quilts are like stories. There's a beginning, middle, and end. There's certainly lots of personality in them. Some are heroes of the club, while a few are tragic figures stuck together with duct tape and safety pins. But, they're all a journey of discovery and a portal to another world. Archaeologists can determine much about a culture based on quilts and needlework. Some cultures are defined by the story of their quilts, such as the Amish or the fabled flaw in Persian rugs.

 

Because of my wife, I have a greater appreciation for the effort in making quilts. I'd never understood just how much work they are. Honestly, I don't know how anyone can make money selling quilts unless they're machine made. A fair price for handmade quilts should be in the thousands. But, that's not likely. Well, I think people who make quilts are doing it because they love it and not for potential profit (maybe I'm wrong, but quilters seem very generous in what they do).

 

I can hardly wait to try out the next one my wife makes!

A marvelous "House" quilt. Isn't Beth wonderful!

 

- M