Tribute to a brother by marriage, tragedy will never dim his memory

Russ

I have one sibling in my own family, but many brothers through my wife's. One in particular was immediately like an older brother. Russ was at once odd, fun, wise, goofy, solid and real. He never pretended to be someone else, like so many of us do. He was exactly who he was, like it or not. I liked him a lot. Now, he sits at the feet of his Savior.

 

The funny thing about marriage is you get a whole bag-full of relatives along with your sweetheart. In-laws are a scary thing, because you don't know them at all and only care because they are related to your spouse. But, then the magic happens and they become a part of your life as well--a new family. You discover to your surprise that this grab bag is a delicate treasure you don't want to give up. I never expected such a transformation, but Russ especially made it easy.

 

We celebrate beginnings and mourn endings. Tragedy is tough on families. Yet, because of family we survive and thrive. The loss of Russ is deeply felt, especially due to the suddenness of it, and still his presence will remain in our memory. I wish I had known him better, and I still will as I hear stories and tales of his days gone bye.

 

We loved you, Russ.

 

- M

Qualities of truly great stories

I've studied storytelling all my life and one of the things I've definitely learned is nobody can say for certain when a story will become a classic, or even highly popular. Now, we can say some stories should become so, but popularity is a fickle beast. Yet, there are some things I've noticed are common about all great classics.

 

First, there is very little suspension of disbelief. I'm a huge fan of fantasy and science fiction, and those genres deal in things not around in daily life (either mind boggling technology or flights of fancy), which require you to believe in the world and not fight against it. An example is Tolkien's Middle Earth where "The Hobbit" and the "Lord of the Rings" takes place. I've never heard any readers disbelieve the world (usually people who don't like it just don't like the slow pace). Because the author took extensive time building the world, it all makes sense, has a place, and feels real.

 

Next, the characters are likeable, realistic, behave believably, and live in the world. I look at "Les Misérables " and point to Javert and Valjean as hugely famous people in fiction that seem as real as any historical figure. They matter to each other, to the story, and to the audience. That's an amazing trick by the author. Even in fiction, audiences want relatable people.

 

And, finally, the story has multiple layers of complexity. Some stories are just adventure tales (like "The Hobbit") and others are plumbing the depths of morality (such as "Moby Dick"). Either way, these tales stand up to intense scrutiny and philosophy. It's incredible how many college papers have been written about these two stories. Great stories teach as well as entertain. It's like watching a chess master move pieces--there's subtlety and insight beyond what most can comprehend, yet the beauty is clear to anyone paying attention.

 

These are things I think are especially important of the very many aspects of great stories. They are still being created, and I expect will continue until the last human falls.

 

- M

Building a better brain

In the field of artificial intelligence (AI for short), scientists are constantly working to give a computer the ability to reason. So far, there hasn't been much success. A new system from Google is now tackling a neat idea: trying to figure out where any particular picture was taken. They call their new project PlaNet, and it's a neural network AI (basically, it's a primitive brain, which can make all sorts of connections and basically program itself). Technology aside, the premise is asking how we humans recognize places and doing the same from a machine perspective. You can try a game about this idea at www.geoguessr.com.

 

I'm not particularly worried that computers will overtake humans in the world of thinking. Yes, computers are amazing at calculations, and geo-locating is just that, but reason is beyond programming. Logic, cold and hard facts, massive databases, blitzing to the answer, these are things computers do well. I read that just recently a proficient GO program was beating most players. That's excellent, yet the program is only examining all possible moves rather than intuiting the best flow for the game (as a human does). It's called brute force computing (throw enough power and resources at the problem and you will eventually find the best answer).

 

Until we can give computers any kind of intuitive ability to leap beyond facts and to an answer, computers will never reason. But, there is danger in trying, because we have a word for people who can reason but have no morality--sociopaths. Computers have no morals, holding only what has been specifically programmed into them. That's why I'm not worried about robots taking over. At some basic level no human wants to make such a beast. Instead, we make intelligent tools for specific tasks and watch in awe as they perform with perfect ability.

 

- M

Buffering ... ack! It never ends! Patience ... what is that?

Funny how technology has made us less patient. My loving wife is helping me understand how badly I have raged at the world for buffering when I want unpausing reality. Okay, less nerdy, I'm just getting impatient with waiting for anything. But, am I the only one who sees a rotating wheel of agony whenever a stoplight flicks to red, or when someone pulls out a checkbook at the checkout, or listening to a never-ending presentation? Maybe it's an exaggeration, but there's a point to it. I doubt anybody really likes waiting. It's not in our nature, so we strive to be patient. I fail. A lot.

 

Impatiens flowers ... I always called them "Impatience"
image credit

Of course, the goal is to have true patience, where you can wait and not be at all mindful of having waited. Or, to let things happen as they may without worry or stress at how it all plays out. I doubt I'll ever master this aspect, though I strive toward it. Hopefully I show small brilliant times of patience, but I find myself apologizing far too often for my liking. It hurts to know I lose my cool when I must wait, and it sure doesn't set a very good example.

 

And then there are things that are over far too quickly: eating a succulent dessert, a passionate embrace, speaking with a close friend, watching ants build an anthill, the brilliant rays of sunrise or sunset, a favorite song, and on and on and on. We fill our lives with exuberances of all kinds, then find ourselves frustrated when not everything fits into those categories. What's even funnier is most of life ends up aggravating if we approach things that way. Yup, we purposely turn our lives into irritations by being impatient. Who knew?

 

Thought of the day: "Have more patience!"

 

- M

Believing the unbelievable

The musical "Man of La Mancha" (inspired by the book "Don Quixote") has a magical song in it, "To Dream the Impossible Dream" (this version is probably the most magnificent, and it was live!). The character singing is answering the question of why he keeps going when all seems idiotic and destined to fail. You see, in his view it's the questing that is the point, not necessarily the end goal. To reach without looking back and never giving up. It's a fantastic viewpoint. The other characters don't understand, but they'll eventually learn.

 

What really incredible about people like this, they inspire those around them. Sure, some dreams are foolish (like wanting so ever much to turn the Moon to cheese) or hopelessly unrealistic ("I'll drink the ocean dry!"), yet who are we to demand anyone stop and give up. Is there worth in going after ridiculousness? I used to think not, but now I'm not so sure. Isn't the quest itself worthwhile? In all likelihood, the seeker will realize the goal isn't a good one, but in seeking they improve themselves in ways no one could ever have imagined.

 

Dreams, hopes, goals, imaginings; aren't they all a form of believing the unbelievable? Who could ever have guessed the outcomes of our most famous celebrities when they were young and naïve? Somewhere, sometime, belief in the impossible came true and changed the very nature of the world. Yes, one person can change the world. I truly believe that to my core. Why not you? Why not now? Believe the unbelievable!

 

image credit by John Hales

- M

Summer is nearly here! Get ready to send the kids to camp! Woohoo.

Parenting is a whole series of ups and downs, aggravation and excitement. And, then there's the time the little crumb munchers go to camp. Wee! There's a wonderful classic song called, "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" which expresses camp from the camper's point of view. It's hilarious and heart warming all the same. I think parents are just as happy to have some alone time as the kids are to have grand adventures. Yet, it's also a bitter-sweet time, because parents really do miss the kiddos. Love is funny like that.

 

For campers it's the fun of getting away from parents, hanging out with new friends, enjoying horrible camp food, watching the stars, and listening to crickets. Add in practical jokes, giggling at girls and boys, swimming in the lake, and snickering after lights-out. Now, that's what camp is all about! Summer never gets better than that, does it?

 

I have loads of memories of camp that I'll cherish until I'm senile and can't figure out which side of a spoon goes in my mouth. It's only fair for me to give the same gift to my children, right? I suppose the scars will eventually heal...

 

- M

Star Wars, Episode VIII is ... filming ... oh, um, spoilers :)

 

I'll admit I'm a bit puzzled by the fanfare of this news. I never expected the new Star Wars to magically appear. Still, it gives me a great opportunity to point out some things I really enjoyed about "Star Wars: The Force Awakens." (So, spoilers if you haven't seen the movie yet).

 

My biggest thrill was seeing this movie treated like a real story and not just an action adventure. The events in the movie are adding up, the story growing, as pieces fall apart and get replaced. It takes guts these days to let a villain survive, particularly after killing a main character. Also, watching a romance develop and not have it go all in before the movie is over is a treat (I anticipate a nice growth to the relationship between Finn and Rey, whatever that turns out to be).

 

I particularly liked seeing the old physical models of Admiral Akbar and Lando's first officer during the attack on the 2nd Death Star (Nien Nunb is the name, he has a wide face ridge). I'm sure there are others, but I focused on those. Regarding lightsabers, we finally see someone who isn't a Jedi using one, and it's pretty hilariously accurate when he gets thrashed--twice. Finally, as I hoped, Luke isn't in the movie until right before the credits. I applaud the restraint. Amazing.

 

I don't make predictions for movies, though I have great hopes that the original trio (Luke, Han, and Leia) have peripheral roles--they are collectively the wise old hermit in any Hero's Journey outline. These new movies should be about Rey and Finn and BB-8. And, I think they will be. The villain will transform to new heights, due particularly to the brutal slaying of his father (I bet Harrison Ford is happy though, since word has it he wanted Han Solo to die back in "The Empire Strikes Back"). In keeping with the Hero's Journey, I hope the big baddie Snoke isn't fully revealed until the 3rd movie. As for redemption, it could go either way. It's gonna be a fun ride.

 

- M

Happy Valentine's Day

This is a day for love, for joy, and eating lots of little heart-shaped candies. I'm not entirely sure why all this happens on this particular day, but at least we're happy about it. I've often heard it said that this day was invented by holiday card manufacturers and candy makers. Well, who cares? It's a good time for all involved.

 

I have lots more to tell of love, romance, and yearnings ... I'll leave it for another time. For now, I hope you will cuddle with your loved ones, enjoy your favorite beverages, and bask in each other's glow. Maybe even take it to the max, light the fireplace, lay down the bearskin rug, and curl up to spend a cold night playing Monopoly! Woohoo!

 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I hope it's a good one.

 

- M

Marrying the finest woman history has ever produced.

I believe it's every husband's right to put their wife on a pedestal. Not to worship them, but to honor, respect, and cherish. No one could ever convince me that my wife is anything less than a miracle sent my way. I'm alive because of her, healthy because of her, in a fine career because of her, and directly chasing my dream of full-time writing because of her. My life is better in every way because of her influence and presence. I cannot imagine life without her.

 

Beyond all these praises, she is the wisest and truest person I've ever known. Her ability to see to the depths of things constantly surprises me. We talk all the time and so I get to hear what she thinks about a wealth of issues. Because we are intertwined in marriage, we seek each other's advice and thoughts. I value her opinion above anyone else's. She is my partner in life. And, as hard as it is to believe sometimes, she loves me.

 

There isn't a day when I don't thank God for bringing us together. She is my gift, my blessing, my hope, my dream, and a spectacular kisser! (Oh, sorry kids, getting mushy).

 

May all her days be blessed, may the work she does be honored, and may she glow in the hearts of all those who know her.

 

Beth. Isn't she lovely!

- M

A fairy tale engagement

Many people have asked to hear our engagement story, because it's a bit unusual. I wanted to make it something very special for her, and a treasured memory for the rest of our lives.

 

We met at a camp, were we both were working on staff for the summer. Three states away from our homes, and we noticed each other the first night. We kicked a rock back and forth, then I bent down and noticed it was in the shape of a heart (I still have it in my memory chest). The next day, coming back from town in the camp bus, we showed each other little quirks--I have a bent finger that wiggles oddly, she can pop her hip in and out, I can cross my eyes and make them shake, she can make claws with the very first knuckle of her fingers. Yup, we instantly liked each other. She has the most wonderful laugh!

 

After three days I called home and told my father that I had a girlfriend (my first in actuality). She became my best friend immediately. I told her everything, even secrets nobody else knew. Talking together was natural, desired, and more fulfilling than anything I'd experienced to that point. We never interfered with our duties as camp staff, but we wrote letters to each other every day (three, four, five times a day). At night, we snuck out and sat under the stars and talked about the future, our hopes and dreams, and anything else that came to mind.

 

After a while, the attraction between us was pretty obvious (despite our attempts to hide it). Even an exchanged glance was enough to give us away. By the middle of the summer we were holding hands. At the weekly campfire for the campers, I told her I loved her (actually, she did first and then I responded back). We would go for walks at night and talk even more. It was a magical time.

 

At the end of the summer, we took a week off and went to visit our folks. I asked her to marry me. She said yes. But, that's not the fun part. We returned to camp and had to hide our engagement so we could be there fore the campers and not each other. But, I had a plan. I told her that I would ask her to marry me at the campfire (last of the summer), in front of everyone--to finally make it public. Thing was, I tricked her.

 

A rodeo was the final big event every week; the campers invited their families and did all kinds of activities. Usually around 200 people were there. Right in the middle of it all, when they were preparing for the pig chase, there was an announcement for "Beth, please come to the other side of the arena..." And then, "No, through the center of the arena." When she came through, I had them play "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison. I walked out from the back gate, took the microphone and got down on one knee. The crowd went crazy. I asked her to marry me and she said, "I'd be delighted to." I gave her a diamond ring (actually just cut glass) and a rose.

 

We walked to the bleachers and sat in the crowd. I don't remember any more of the rodeo. I just remember that she glowed like the sun. No woman could ever be as perfect as she. I wish I had a recording of it (someone did tell me they had it filmed and would send a copy, but I never got it). Ah well, the memory is as bright right now as it was 25 years ago.

 

I love you, sweetheart. You're my truest best friend, my companion, my love, and my wife. Forever.

 

Radiant Beth and Goofy Mark

 

- M

Romance ... a guy's point of view

Traditionally speaking, women are the romantic titans of our world. But, that certainly hasn't stopped me, and many other men, from tickling the brains of our lovely mates. So, I thought I'd speak about romance from a man's point of view; what it means to us, why we do it, and especially how we manage. Don't worry, it's nothing you can't handle.

 

First is what romance means to a man (also tying into why). Not to be crude, but it means we get girls. At least, that's the starting point. We do actually desire to make life grand and exciting for the women in our lives. And, we know romance matters, so there is great motivation to get good at it. Sadly, many men forget this fact after marriage and let it all lapse. Romance is just as important afterwards as it is beforehand. Sure, it's not a swimmingly natural thing for us guys, but the work is more worthwhile than anything else.

 

The difficult part is managing romance. Getting a book and following the steps can help (at least giving ideas) but it's artificial and women know it--though I suspect they appreciate the effort. Guys have a more utilitarian focus when it comes to romance (which is how the stereotypical blender gift came about), but with a bit of thought it really isn't very hard to sweep a woman off her feet. Sincerity, honesty, and heaps of respect are very sweet romance. I've had particular success with love letters--no surprise as I'm a writer--but written letters are keepsakes and will be treasured and kept, trust me.

 

From a man's point of view, romance is a path to a great finish. It's not that we don't value romance itself--we do actually--it's just that we mainly focus on the results. We laugh and joke about it. We act shy and blush at the mention. But, it's far more important to us than we let on.

 

xoxoxoxo Hugs and Kisses xoxoxoxo

- M

Ode to Marriage and other delights

Forgive me if I chuckle when someone says marriage because I'm often reminded of the scene from "The Princess Bride" where the sage old priest says it more like, "mawage is whad bwings uf togever today." It's a great movie and a wonderful scene. Marriage is indeed filled with laughter, delight, fancy, and comfort. As it should be. Sure, there are difficult times, but when man and woman bond together with diligence and honor it is a song that lifts the heavens to new heights. There are few things more amazing than marriage!

 

It does take work. People sometimes ask how I've stayed married for nearly 25 years. My typical answer is communication, because without talking there's nothing to base your relationship upon. You need to know each other, and that just doesn't happen without talking (not texting, not emailing, and certainly not leaving notes). You need to look into each other's eyes and spill out your hopes and dreams. And, keep talking. Find a quiet place and talk. Our favorite is outside, under the stars, out away from the city lights.

 

And, dreaming of finding the woman who would be my wife filled many nights with heart-rending longing. I've probably listened to enough love songs to give a stadium full of teenagers the silly giggles. I never expected to find her so far away ... more on that another day. Then, for her to tell me, "I'd be delighted to," when I asked for her hand in marriage ... ah, it was better than the sweetest ambrosia.

 

Marriage is a delight beyond anything I could have imagined before.

 

- M

Groundhog day! Will he see his shadow? Excuse me, say what?

Yes, today we have a fanciful rodent predict the weather. Sure, it's a kind of game, and people really get into it. I've contemplated taking my family up to Gobbler's Knob and seeing the whole ceremony... but, it's not at the top of my list of things to do. I suspect the movie "Groundhog Day" presents a fairly accurate version of it all. Traditions are a goofy thing, and this isn't even the oddest of our American traditions.

 

Take, for example, the sport of Apple Bobbing. I never was any good at it--apparently either my mouth doesn't open wide enough or my teeth aren't sharp enough. The idea is that since apples float in water, you dump a bunch in a big bucket and have people try to grab one with their teeth alone (no hands allowed). I suppose the prize is the apple, though sometimes candy or stuffed animals are awarded. I never understood it personally. Maybe that's why I don't get invited to parties? Hmm, could be.

 

The important thing is people get together and have fun. Forming communities demands a certain closeness, and especially communication. These activities are all about forming friendships and meeting strangers. That's the point. We gather, share, have fun, and go back to our regular lives a little bit lifted and with new friends in our contact lists.

 

Happy Groundhog Day!

 

- M