Duck and Cover, Someone's Looking for Help

How do you take it when someone asks if you're available to possibly help? Often, you're simply too busy to have an opening. But, what if you do? Well, it matters who is doing the asking. Then, it matters what the helping might entail. And then you ask ourselves if you want to interrupt whatever it is you're doing. Are you happy, or feel regret? Congratulations, you're human.

We have a strange response to people wanting help, don't we? If we are the ones asking, we want immediate assistance, yet when someone else asks then we have all kinds of issues we weigh before giving help. Even so, hopefully all this thinking goes right out if there's an actual emergency. In the end, it's probably just as hard to ask for help as it is to give it.

Rodin's "The Thinker"

Curious how we constantly tell our children to take responsibility, to help those in need, and to give generously, yet have such difficulty doing the very same thing in our own lives. Yup, we humans never tire of being illogical and silly. You see, we try to teach the noblest and finest aspects of being human, so reality does slap us in the face now and again. We're flawed. Deeply. But, that doesn't stop us from teaching and expecting the best in everyone.

Funny how complicated it can be just to ask for help with changing a tire, isn't it?

- M

Being funny. Comedy. Jokes. Can anyone do it?

People often tell me that I have a very dry sense of humor. I tend to come out of absolutely nowhere, ambush with a joke, and retreat into the bush before anyone realizes what's happened. A good friend of mine compared me to a humor ninja. What's amusing to me is how many people think I don't have much of a sense of humor at all. That makes me think about comedy in general. Why is something funny? Why do we poke fun at life's hardships? Why can we laugh even when it hurts to think about it?


A grinning sloth, because it's hilarious!
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Like beauty, humor is in the eye of the beholder. Professional humorists excel at pointing out the oddities in life and making us see them in new ways. Goofballs who do slapstick/physical comedy generally exaggerate behaviors to make them hilarious. There are hundreds of words describing something amusing, yet millions of ways of expressing them. I'd bet that one of the first things Adam said to Eve was a fart joke.

To answer my title question, sure anyone can be funny. Sometimes it just requires a bit of self-awareness and the ability to laugh at yourself. Naturally, like any skill, humor can be fine tuned and perfected. And, it can also be butchered badly. There's hardly worse humiliation than a joke that not only falls flat but digs its own grave. Don't let that worry you though. Most people appreciate a good joke, even a lame one. And, you may discover a real talent for comedy that you didn't even know you possessed.

So, wanna pull my finger?

- M

Star Wars thoughts on "The Last Jedi"

So, the new Star Wars movie has a title: "The Last Jedi." Yummy. Of course, there's not rampant speculation about what it means, what this new revelation foretells about the story, and everyone is going bonkers online about it. I've stayed away from such speculation for the most part, mainly because I only want a good story and refuse to let guesses spoil it all for me. In this case, however, I feel like stepping in and offering my thoughts. Take them or leave them, I'm no fortune teller.

To me, this title is exactly what I was expecting. The entire Jedi/Sith idea is being rewritten, so a fresh and new idea can take it's place. This is more than passing the baton to the next runner, it is a change of the overall picture. In the past, there's always been Jedi and Sith and there's pretty tight restrictions on the story because of it. "The Last Jedi" could simply mean that the very concept is ending. Remember, the original Star Wars was written as a "Hero's Journey." It's a great story framework. In it, many times, the mentor figure goes away (by death or otherwise leaving) in the middle of the story, so the fresh hero can face the world on their own. My hope is this is what's happening for Star Wars episode 8.

So, following these thoughts, what I come up with is a question. Will Luke fight someone, as Ben Kenobi did against Darth Vader? Or, will Luke allow himself to fade away, like an old cowboy hero riding into the sunset? Will they pay homage, or blaze a new trail? I don't know and hope nobody spoils the surprise. I'm hope we receive a wonderful story. In the end, the story carries our hearts, not the visuals. George Lucas said as much in an old interview. I'm hoping the story again takes primary focus.

- M

Cleaning out gutters ... is that supposed to be fun or hard?

Our house has I think too many gutters. I swear they are more numerous than the sides of our building. Plus, we have two wonderfully massive oak trees ... so, we need to clean the gutters often. The kids love doing it, and I'm very glad and blessed because ladders and I do not get along. I found out also that I need to make sure the horizontal portions are also cleaned out. Not sure why I didn't realize this before, as I'm sure any well-thinking person would have. But, now I have and get to add another cleaning duty to my list.

I've been intrigued by outdoor chores for a long time. Some people will actually take vacations just to do gardening--I think these people must be observed carefully, because they clearly aren't sane. Something my father did a lot was wash and wax his cars. I helped as a dutiful son (and I was definitely the most awesome waxer and polisher ever witnessed on the planet, thank you very much), yet have let that particular chore drop aside on my own vehicles. Another is washing windows; I can't say for certain if I've ever done this, but I know many people do and have to ask if it helps?

My wife and I love going around and looking at fine neighborhoods and their immaculate lawns. It's inspirational. I find myself dreaming of running waterfalls and koi ponds, with winding garden paths and fountains of roses ... and then I wake up in a sweat. Silly thing is, I really would love to have these things, but I just wouldn't maintain them in any appropriate fashion. It's not that I dislike outdoor work, it just isn't my particular pleasure. Although, our yard is big enough for something... I know, a jousting arena!

- M

History Channel's "Full Metal Jousting"

Utmost joys of completion

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There are few things that can possibly compete with the incredible joy of finishing writing a book. It's mind boggling the giddiness and light-headedness you feel. Sure, there's the upcoming editing--a joy all it's own, depending on how much you like it--and then publication, but the pure thrill of finishing is pure happiness. I can't imagine it ever gets old, even after hundreds of books. Well, maybe I don't want it to stop, because that means it's turned into a typical event and it's far too special to be typical.

We do a lot of things that take tons of work to complete. My wife makes quilts (often takes years), other people paint portraits and landscapes, some do gardening, sculpting, architecture. Whatever your passion, chances are it isn't immediately finished. So, why do we put so much effort into these things? How important are books and sculptures really? For me, the importance is incalculable.

We spend our lives creating, be it for work or pleasure. Many things get left undone, which is maybe why we find regret such a heartbreaking feeling, and do our very best to avoid it. Right now it's popular to make a "bucket list" of things you want to accomplish. Mostly it's stuff like climbing Mount Everest, or skydiving ... activities that are unusual, or extreme. It's clear we won't stop reaching to accomplish. So, what's on your list? Anything undone that you need to finish? What's stopping you? Get going and feel that thrill of completion!

- M

Movie reviews -- oddities that I enjoy but somehow didn't do well

Taste is an unknown factor, particularly in movies. For various reasons, some stories just don't hit the big time and fall flat on their faces. I'd like to discuss a few that I enjoy, which makes me weird and odd. Such is life.


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The first is a recent Johnny Depp flop called "Transcendence." (Budget $100 million, box office $103 million). It's about artificial intelligence, though not truly as the main character actually uploads his consciousness into a computer (yes, just like "Lawnmower Man" did). The story is about the concept, not the characters, which is always a touchy thing to do. However, the main failing is that the supposed good guys are horrible people and the purported bad guys are sympathetic, so there's no clear right and wrong. Despite this, the concept is actually pretty good--does having machine parts make you less human? I enjoy how everything proceeds in logical sequence. To me, it's a milieu story, where the characters just flow and bob to the discoveries being made. Let it wash over you and the movie makes sense.

Another is "Bourne Legacy" starring Jeremy Renner, and is the fourth Bourne movie. (Budget $125 million, box office $276.1 million). The story takes place parallel to the third Bourne movie ("The Bourne Ultimatum"). The main character is another super spy, and is absolutely capable and brutal in any circumstance. Many audiences expected more action, and I don't understand. The action is similar to the very first Bourne film, and the super spy just as invincible. The plot follows a man thrown to the wolves, who doesn't have a clue why and everyone is trying to kill him. Yup, typical spy story and it's fun. Just let the story run with it and you'll enjoy the race.

"Les Misérables" (1998 film) starring Liam Neeson. (Not sure about budget, box office $14.1 million). Of all the film adaptations, this one nails the book's story and has people you genuinely will care about. I adore this film. The central conflict of the book is redemption and forgiveness. The hero exhibits these traits, and the protagonist doesn't. Even if you haven't read the book, this film won't let you down. You understand their desires. You feel their pains and sorrows. You chomp at lost opportunity and reach for hope at every turn. Liam Neeson is incredible as the starring role. I truly don't understand why this film did so poorly. This is the only version I've purchased and kept--I won't even bother with the new all singing version (sorry, but I hate it).

Like I said, taste is a curious thing. And, yes, I know I'm odd ... thanks for noticing.

- M

Colloquial witticisms, or learning your own language all over again

Here in America there's a lot of fun to be had by going to different states and finding out that despite them speaking the same language, you can't figure out what it is they're actually saying. Typically this means using phrases can be wildly different, or the way things are said are strange, and probably words also don't mean the same things. My favorite example is soda pop, or cola, or pop, or Coke, or fizzy drinks. All those words describe the same carbonated sweet beverage. Comedians have made lots of money making fun of this reality, and like any good humor the truth makes it hilarious.

It's interesting to me how varied language is. English is my language, yet there's dozens of dialects and completely different vocabularies used throughout the world. I particularly enjoy the British and Australian versions, and love picking up new uses of words (or entirely new ones). I can only assume that other languages are the same way. Human beings just aren't content to leave things alone, and are sure to come up with new ways of doing anything--just think of how many times the wheel has been reinvented?



Yup, clear as mud. Am I supposed to read this in passing, or sit and work it out on my own time?

Of course, this can also cause unexpected confusion. If you're in the southern part of the United States and ask for a Coke, you might be asked which one you want? (Hint: if you want Coca Cola, ask for that instead.) This is a simple example, but imagine asking for directions and getting a detailed answer that doesn't appear correct as you follow it. Probably whoever gave you help used colloquial words specific to the region. Pity you didn't know them. Isn't that funny? Yup, I'm laughing my sides off as I haul off and belt down a good one...

- M