Old photos of yourself that prove you really are ... copied by a gawky robot.

As I've grown older, one thing has become very obvious. Old pictures of me are a conspiracy. Those couldn't be me. They're some sort of alien, or robot, or clone. I refuse to believe I was ever that skinny, or narrow, or ... erm ... good looking. Okay, that last bit was actually true, but how is it possible I was ever that person? It just isn't possible. The only explanation is a goofy robot was put in my place, and I think I'm being generous. 

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I do realize we change and grow and spread out, but sometimes it gets a bit ridiculous. I look at my wedding pictures and wonder who I'm looking at. Only my wife is recognizable. I don't know who the weird bloke is beside her. And, how dare he kiss my wife! Furthermore, why do I have a picture of him doing it?

 

Maybe it's an alien? Could be. I'm a bit foggy of that day's particular events. I truly only remember my wife's face. (Hint: that's a great brownie-point technique for when we men do something awfully wrong, like forgetting a birthday or not buying flowers for our anniversaries.)

 

So, by extension, I think it's safe to say we've been invaded by alien robots. Even worse, the conspiracy is they take our places in photos for the devious purpose of making us doubt our own existence. What could be more horrible? I think we need to round up all our old photos and burn them, yet can't quite get myself to doing it. It's possible it's not a conspiracy--

 

- M

Letting the cat out of the bag.

Right now I'm on a kick of finding my own verbal crutches and overused phrases. It's surprising and a bit disturbing to find trends in my vocabulary. If you're not sure what I mean, think of the word, "Like," that gets used so much in regular talking. Take this sentence for instance, "I wanted to go, like so bad." The sentence doesn't need the word at all, but it's stuck in there just because. While speaking, many people will use a variant of "um" to fill in awkward gaps.

In editing, these things are taken out, to make written sentences more readable and kind on the ears (I can't be the only one who reads out loud in the confines of their own head). I've read a few stories which attempt to capture actual spoken words, in quirky dialogue--can't say I'm a fan of this technique--but it does demonstrate how badly we all talk. I do find it interesting how uncomfortable this is to read, while it's fine in a movie. Well, there's a big difference when we're forced to interpret the words ourselves, rather than hearing it spoken--at least, that's my current theory.

And then we come around to phrases. Every culture has sentence fragments which encapsulate entire conversations in spare few words. For anyone within the culture, this makes communication easier and quicker. But, outsiders are clueless--"out in the dark" is how my culture says it. So, it can be dangerous to include these in stories, yet also obviously should be included to match the setting. It's a difficult task to juggle, and is one of the hallmarks of great storytellers.

So, let's see if this lead balloon can fly and knock out two birds with one stone...

- M

Buying your first car! It's an adventure to say the least.

 

My children are growing up, despite my very stern demands to the contrary. Well, fine. I can't say I am at all prepared to give advice for buying vehicles. My experiences over the years are a sequence of questionable decisions, followed by hopeful wishes, and finally pure grace. I'm not a mechanic--not even close--so I frequently drive it and think, "Well, it starts, drives, and stops; must be good." I know a few things, and am good about asking questions. Still, it's easy to be solely concerned about cost.

 

Well, now I'm back to the beginning. Things have changed a lot since my early days. It's not a simple matter of taking a possible purchase to your mechanic and getting a checkup on it. Sales staff don't leaving the vehicles unattended (for insurance reasons, I understand). I realize a first car isn't likely to last a long time, since cars with high mileage aren't rock solid to start with. Still, we all desire something to last a long time. I don't even want to think about repairs.

 

But, this is a new learning period for my children. They are stepping out, into unknown territory, and they want a little bit of assurance. It's only natural. I pray I can provide true wisdom, hope, and support. Life is opening up for them. Now, my job is encouragement. I think of it less like an eagle shoving their children out of the nest (so they fly), and more like teaching them to ride a bicycle (running alongside as they pedal and wobble). They'll be okay, with maybe a few bumps and scrapes along the way to keep them honest. It's all for the best.

 

- M

Hanging shelves ... I think this activity belongs in Dante's "Inferno."

My body keeps me humble, especially since I'm actually quite strong. But, my knees and my back won't take much strain. Sigh. So, it was with a bit of trepidation that I took on the duty of putting up shelving (the sort where there's a board with brackets, not a kit which free-stands). My youngest daughter helped, as it was for her room anyway, and she was fantastic! We levelled the board, then marked where the screws should go. I drilled holes in the board and set the brackets first, then we went to work on the wall. Everything was perfect, with three studs exactly spaced to match the boards ... what luck!

Yeah, like this but with brackets holding it up--rather than magic.

Somewhere along the line, it was like hearing a boxing announcer saying, "Boom, baby!" Yup, one screw hole was off. Hey, it happens to the best of us, right? Okay, so drill it again. Whoops, the screw skipped into the old hole. Eh, it'll be hidden behind the bracket, yes? Well, now the wall is bent. Huh? How did that happen? Was it always bent inward? Wait, just that spot? Did I do that? Why did we put the shelf there then? Oh, good grief. Um, ah, well, there'll be a gap at the back of that particular shelf. Don't worry about it, honey. It'll be hidden, right?

 

So ... we put up one shelf. The next will go up tomorrow. Hey, perfection takes time and a clear mind. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm sure the wall will behave at that point. Maybe it's just having a bad day and needs a good long nap? So, I did the brave and honorable thing and let the wall sleep it off. I'm sure tomorrow it will stop fiddling with me and be good. After all, walls have feeling too, don't they?

 

- M

How many ideas fit on the head of a pin?

So, the normal philosophical question is, "How many angels fit on the head of a pin?" But, I'd like to turn that to ideas. Think about it. Can you stop ideas from forming right on top of each other? Back when I was in Junior high (7th grade, or thereabouts), a history teacher challenged our whole class. He held up a small cylinder with a lid (a 35mm film case, if you know what those are). Anyway, he wanted us to come up with ideas of how this item could be used. He gave five minutes and let us go to it. Most people came up with perhaps a half dozen ideas. I couldn't write fast enough, but I think I had around 30 or so. Our teacher said the same challenge was posed to a famous science fiction writer, who came up with over 100 ideas. True or not, that simple challenge has guided me throughout my life.

35mm film canisters, sadly no longer anywhere. They were perfectly sized to hold quarters!

What's the takeaway from this challenge? Well, I hope it's that we shouldn't halt at just a few new ideas. Stretch. Go for everything your mind can conceive. We are gifted with imagination, and the will to use it. Why settle for a handful of good ideas, when we can have barrels full of concepts that we comb through later to find the really great gems of imagination! In short, don't limit yourself. If you'll let fly with everything you have inside of you, you'll be pleasantly surprised to find wonderful things.

 

As a writer, I get asked many times where I find my inspiration. Well, just keep your eyes and mind open and you're bound to find inspiration wherever you are. Really, it's not hard. The biggest part is taking that inspiration and doing something with it. After all, the best of ideas remain mere ideas until they are used. Put into action, even the worst ideas can become wonderful--think about oysters and who thought they'd be good to eat, or cooking rubber and making tires, or saving voices by making a needle wiggle on wax cylinders. Ideas are a dime a dozen, but action is where real magic happens.

 

So, how many ideas did you come up with for a small cylinder with a lid?...

 

- M

Moon shots, and amazing spectacles.

This morning my wife and I saw a huge orange moon gliding down past the buildings up ahead. It was a magical sight. I dearly wish we could have captured it on video. The Moon looks incredibly big when it's down low like that (a neat optical illusion, look it up). But, I shared it with the love of my life, and that was memory enough. We live our lives for moments like that, times we can think back on with smiles and warmth. Those memories are diamonds strung out behind us, always there to enjoy when we want to see a bit of beauty.

 

We find times like these throughout our lives, but how often do we really take the time to enjoy them? It seems like we are always too busy, or too preoccupied, or in too much of a hurry. The phrase, "Smell the roses," is much more than taking a moment or enjoying a scent. When you turn away from the normal clutter and admire something beautiful, you enrich your life beyond comprehension. It's like a part of its beauty pours into your soul.

 

One thing I'm saving for is a fine telescope. I want to see the stars up close. There are sights so amazing, such as clouds of fiery gas, blooms of distant lights, and the absolute infinite dark abyss. How can we have such wonders around us and not enjoy them? Why do we look past them, never seeing, and never understanding?

 

Take the time to smell the roses...

 

- M

Maps and GPS

Back in the days when dirt was new, children learned to navigate using map and compass. Parents would go on extensive hikes for the joy of discovering nature at its finest. What ever happened to that? Well, besides city folks having little idea what a compass is, there's just not much interest anymore. Of course, there is the fun of Geocaching--where you use GPS to find certain hiding places with little trinkets. But, it's a lot like playing a videogame where a mini-map is always available. But, at least you get out and hike around to find the little boxes where the treasured trinkets are found.

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I've taught my kids how to read maps, and am actually surprised how rare that skill now is. Pull out an actual paper map of a city, give it to someone, and ask them to find a certain street intersection. It's incredible how few people can actually complete the task (if you're one who can, then let me give you a high five!). I realize it's totally easy to get out your cellphone and pull up your exact location in seconds, but what if your phone is gonzo and you have to actually work it out yourself?

 

I think skills which do not rely on electronics are more important now than ever before. We shouldn't rely on modern convenience so much that we forget how to operate without them. It's probably safe to say very few people in industrial societies could feed themselves with basic tools (no, I'm not talking a credit card in the supermarket). I've always wanted to learn how to make fire without a lighter.

 

What about you? Are there any skills you wish you had? Well, what are you waiting for? Go do it!

 

- M