Blame, there's plenty of it to go around.

I blame YOU!

One aspect of my personality that I find myself apologizing for constantly, is my propensity to find blame. It's really easy to watch something go sideways and want to put the blame on someone else. I do my best to accept blame for things that I wreck, but when I don't know for sure it's way too easy to just grab the first suspect and tear them apart. It's probably my biggest failing--kids, please accept my apology and I sure hope you don't do the same thing. Learn from my mistakes, blame is best left in the rubbish bin.

 

Actually, blame is a lousy tactic anyway. There's no suggested solutions, no critique of what happened, not even an acceptance of the consequences. Blame is just dreck you vomit up on others. What I--we--should do is acknowledge something went wrong and then get the people involved in finding solutions and fixing the broken bits. The best is not a personal attack, rather a factual understanding and then emotional support. No, it's not saying, "Oh, pity that bridge broke apart, but it's okay you feel bad and all is well." Nope, accept responsibility for your actions and then move along.

 

I doubt anyone enjoys being blamed, no matter their level of guilt. I know I don't--which really makes me feel horrible when I falsely blame someone else, especially my own children. And ... what if your blame turns back on you, because you didn't understand well enough and should have blamed yourself? Oops. It's another lesson in applied patience, not jumping to conclusions, and being loving to those around you. We all fail, deserve blame, and are endlessly grateful when we receive patient guidance and aid rather than anger.

 

- M