Nerf guns and armor piercing tacos

If you've ever been a kid, you've probably been involved in a food fight at some point. It's a ritual of childhood, like climbing trees and mud pies. At some point Nerf guns came into the picture, offering the thrill of simulated battle and heroic last stands. My brother and I had huge wars in the basement, complete with little green plastic Army figures. Some years ago, I bought Nerf guns for the whole family and we enjoyed ambushing one another for weeks. It's really amazing how much variety there is now with foam weapons.

So, I'm wondering when food fights will catch up to the imbalance? I mean, there has to be someone dreaming up ideas for more effective thrown tomatoes and banana peals, right? Kids need the upgrade. I can only guess the impact on the human race, if food fights were shorter and more decisive. Yes, this could be the greatest achievement of the 21st century!

Sure, I'm not completely serious here. The world is too complicated to be solved with silliness. However, I'd love to see what might happen if we weren't so ugly and angry. Playing childish games won't make you a kid again, but it will make you laugh and giggle. There's no harm in that. Get out your best Nerf gun and have at it!

- M

Pick up your sword, your blaster, your infinity gem! Time to fight!

Weaponry in stories are as varied as imagination. Laser blasters, light sabers, starships, and floating bombs all came into being because a story needed something neat to excite their audience. I'm not sure why we like our weapons, but it's obvious we do. For example, the light saber instantly fascinated everyone watching "Star Wars"--despite hardly being used, due to technical limitations, and not even being used in grandiose style. Pick a unique weapon and I'm sure it's been used in a story at some point.

Like the "Star Wars" usage of the light saber, these weapons don't even need significant focus in the story for them to become legendary. For instance, in the stories about Drizzt Do'Urden (a dark elf ranger in the Forgotten Realms novels), his two swords are so iconic that people have created them for real--despite them only being described with words. And, if you're familiar with the movie, "Tron," I'm sure you've pretended your Frisbee is a Tron disk as you imagine yourself in an epic battle.

I love roleplaying games, and one aspect I know well is that giving a weapon a name almost instantly makes it special. The television series "Game of Thrones" is awash with named weapons, yet people love them and collect all manner of replicas. Personally, I wouldn't be surprised for a moment if Han Solo named his blaster, as it's with him all the time and the first thing he grabs when stuff goes wrong. Can you name Thor's hammer? I bet you can.

- M

Thor's mighty hammer (Marvel Studios version)

Medieval weapons ... romantic or brutally effective?

I collect swords because I find them beautiful and I enjoy slicing potatoes out of the air with them. Yup, I really do that. And, anyone who visits gets to do it too. It's kind of a thing we do at my house. I've also collected a few other items, like a battle axe, a mace, and a flail. One thing's become crystal clear regarding these weapons: these things are ruthlessly effective instruments of war. These things don't play around.

Castilian Sword from Museum Replicas

You've probably seen movies where the hero gets smacked in the face with a mace. What's not shown is how the hero wouldn't have a face left afterwards. For a long time I wouldn't display the flail (which is a spiked ball on a chain, attached to a long handle) because it's the single most brutal weapon I've ever seen. The thing is, when these weapons were created they weren't for play or beauty; this was warfare and not games. But, with the comfort of many intervening years, these items become less utilitarian and more curiosities.

 

I wonder if today's weapons will have the same fate? Will people many years from now look at our guns and tanks and think, "huh, I could put those on my wall." Maybe. There is something to learn though, and that's how incredible our concept of beauty is. Just think about. Technology is a sort of art. It follows that war technology would eventually fall into the same category. Catapults, once used to destroy castles, are now being used to throw pumpkins! (Punkin Chunkin') I think it's a testimony to the resilience of we human beings how we can turn what once took lives into something new that creates joy and pleasure. As a side note, there are two pumpkins on our porch that desperately require a few good slices to fit into the trash cans... hee hee.

 

- M

Big and powerful, or small and deadly.

It's a funny thing how things start out big and powerful, then progressively get smaller and less powerful. But, with that miniaturization they become much more focused and deadly. Weapons follow this pattern pretty closely, such as bombs and guns. I can only imagine showing up during the Napoleonic wars with a machine gun. It'd be incredible at least.

The question is, why do we like to continuously perfect things to make them smaller and more effective? Well, a tool that's heavy and bulky is less comfortable than one which is light and specifically designed to the task. And, we never stop tinkering because there just might be a better way that hasn't been tried yet. One thing about we humans, we love to experiment.

I'm not sure about snowball fights though, since getting clocked by a big snowball can knock you on your backside in nothing flat. But, if you have a snow fort then you can hide a huge pile of snowballs and pelt your enemies from the safety of fortifications! And then you could add a catapult and toss huge boulders of snow and decimate all attackers! Let the enemies of the fort not go unpunished! Yeaargh!

Hee hee. I love snowball fights.

- M