Being humbled (or humiliated) is all in how you take it

When I was taking martial arts (Taekwondo to be specific), I learned many valuable life lessons. One particularly painful one was on my path to black belt. I was a green belt at the time, and had zero experience with sparring (practice fighting, with minimal contact) and was eager to test myself. I had the opportunity when a more senior student wanted a sparring partner. I'm still not sure why, but he apparently wanted to punish me. The sparring was completely one-sided. I didn't have a hope of competing with him, yet he pulverized me. I was hopelessly out-classed. By the end of the experience, I was a sobbing mess, and totally humiliated.

 

Yet, I view this experience as one of the most formative events in my life. Why? Well, it taught me several things. One, don't pick a fight with someone way better than you. Two, learn your own limits. Three, don't be upset if someone knows more than you. Finally, some people are jerks, no matter what you do. There are more lessons, but those were the big ones. It took a long time for me to understand the scope of the lessons, and perhaps I still don't. Either way, I learned fast and pretty soon I was so much better than the guy, he never even tried for a rematch. I didn't asked for one.

 

Life has a lot of times like that, when we face situations which totally overpower us. However, we are the ones who choose to be humiliated or humbled. It's all in the way you look at it. On one hand, it can be defeating, while on the other it's only a set back. A good dose of humility can keep you from showing off and being an idiot. I wish life made such lessons easier, but so be it.

 

So, if you find yourself up against a twenty-foot bulldog, suck it up and smile. Just a little helpful advice.

 

- M

Happy Memorial Day!

We remember the fallen!

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

 

Happy Memorial Day!

Awesomeness squared! Family reunion combined with vacation!

image credit

Vacations are always fun, but join that together with a family reunion and you have uncaged madness! It was a blast! And, of course, the purpose for doing all these things is to make memories which last a lifetime. Yup, that happened ... a lot. And, I promise to only remember the best parts. Honest. I will never ever recall the time my brother poured maple syrup all over himself, or when my dad fell asleep in his oatmeal... Okay, maybe I'm using a bit of poetic license, but I'm sure my brother did something goofy at some point in the week.

 

The truth is, we had a fantastic time together. All of our families enjoyed each other, and we forged new connections and deepened our relationships. It was great seeing my brother again, and his family. Wow, have his children grown! It reminded me that we don't live in a vacuum, in our own little universe, but rather in a world of wide wonder and surprise. It was like being a kid again, as though we all had never split off into different parts of the world. The bond of family endures and is far stronger than distance or time. That was the most wonderful part of it all--family.

 

My wife and I loved the vacation too. Our kids had a blast! We saw a neat theme park, went on rides, bought some stuff to put on shelves, watched a Chinese Circus, saw incredible vistas ... and on and on. We won't soon forget this trip, I assure you. It just goes to show you, it's well worth the trouble to get a vacation planned and executed. The end result is a raft of memories you'll cherish for the rest of your life. That makes it triple the value!

 

- M

 

ps. Sorry my blog didn't post on Monday or Wednesday. I think Tribbles were in the wiring again...

How did we end up here?

When I was younger, I would go to the end of a book and read the final sentence. I wanted to see if I could figure out the story by only knowing the beginning and the end. I'd stop when I found a book with an ending that made me ask, "Wait, so how did they end up there?" That's the one I'd read. You see, it isn't the plot that captured my attention, it was the journey. Maybe that's why I rarely read the anti-climax portion of the final book in the trilogy of the Lord of the Rings ("Return of the King") when Frodo and company return to the Shire and have one final adventure. I didn't like ending where I'd started.

It's still exciting today to find stories that have huge leaps in character development, especially when the ending makes you scratch your head and look back at all the events in retrospect. Those are really good stories, and I treasure them. They become fast classics to me. I think such stories are the biggest reason why I enjoy character driven stories the most, because the audience witnesses major changes and growth spurts. Those endings move me to deep emotion, and that's what it's all about, isn't it?

Professors always drummed into me the classical philosophies of writing, and I can see their points, but style is always changing. I'm glad we don't have many people putting out Shakespeare-like material, because people just don't think like that anymore (debatable if that's good or bad). Stories are meant to be understood and enjoyed, otherwise why tell them? There's a touch of magic in tales that touch the heart, stir the soul, and bring on flights of fancy. Give an audience something to believe in, for a little while, and leave them gasping for breath ... always wanting more.

- M

Catharsis--getting it all out in one quick blast of emotion.

There are many words that have fallen out of use these days. Some should remain. Among them is "catharsis," which means: "the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions." For example, thinking your child is lost and then finding them sleeping behind a tree. There is a burst of emotion quite unlike anything else. In fact, this emotion is so powerful that it can easily transfer to witnesses of the event. Humans love to share, don't you know.

 

Any good study of emotion will include this area. It's especially powerful when it spans a significant time. The movie, "The Game," highlights this particular emotion very well. In it, a successful businessman has a tragic past (his father committed suicide), and the businessman is now the same age as his father was then. The setup is a game that happens in real life, but you only discover the rules as you are running around town. It was a concept actually attempted years ago, but never caught on (I can imagine it was insanely expensive). Anyway, the story is ridiculous, the game is beyond comprehension, but the emotional impact at the end is enormous. Don't spend your time figuring how it was all done, because you'll go crazy; just enjoy it for the catharsis it provides.

 

A cute bunny, in desperate need of the cathartic removal of that silly outfit.
image credit

I think we actively seek catharsis in many areas of life. We go to amusement parks and ride roller coasters to be scared witless and yet be alright. We see horror movies, to scream in terror, then walk out and discuss the finer points of hamburgers. We find ways to build up incredible tension, just so it can be released all at once. We feel better afterward. It's like a deep massage for the brain, or even the spirit. Try it ... you'll like it.

 

- M

Lessons from Peter Pan

Disney's Peter Pan

"Peter Pan" is a marvelous children's story. I've read it, seen it, listened to it, and thoroughly enjoyed it in every form. But, I think we have it wrong. It's not a children's story at all. It's a story for adults. You see, we all grow up eventually. Sometimes our body doesn't know it quite yet, and other times our minds conveniently forget. But, at some point we must make peace with the face that we will never again be children. Sure, we can act like kids, but we'll never be them again.

 

Why is "the boy who never grew up" such a classic character? I think it's because he represents the desire we all have of capturing the innocence, fun, and playfulness of our youth. He's a prankster, adventurous, unafraid, and has a magical fairy friend. Everything he does is exiting. He can fly! Peter Pan incorporates our wildest dreams, plus he never has to worry about getting older. He even has an arch enemy he regularly duels and defeats! How fun it would be to win every fight.

 

The thing is, though, at the end of Peter Pan, even that magical boy is slapped in the face with reality. Wendy grows up, while he remains a child. The biggest lesson is that being a child is simply a stage, one that must end as we mature. Sure, we have wistful dreams of our youth, but I would never exchange that for my wife or children. I'm glad I grew up, and I'll wager you are too.

 

- M

Classic stories we should all read ... but haven't.

I'll be honest here. I've never read "Moby Dick." I know I should, but my experience is the Cliff Notes and movie variety. Also, I haven't read James Joyce's "Ulysses." "Anna Karenina," "Doctor Zhivago," or "Pride and Prejudice." I have read "Les Misérables" though, so I can still clap myself on the back. But, I haven't read "The Right Stuff" or "War and Peace," so I won't make much show about it.

Morgan library in New York

There are so many classics to read! Sometimes I wish we all could have a few repeating days, like in "Groundhog Day," so we could read all those books we never had time for. Or, I could learn to speed read, since it is possible to teach yourself. But, I love taking my time and allowing scenes to develop behind my eyes, so I basically chew on the words. To me it's more about the journey than the facts and details of the story. So, I'll sip a little now and again to keep my bucket list of books from overflowing.

 

Do you have any books you wish you had read, but haven't? Hopefully there are a few classics in the list. Well, even if not, reading is good for you. The more the better. Actually, it's amazing there's so many stories out there. I wonder if anyone's counted them? I'll bet it's more than 10, or even 50. Millions? Wouldn't it be amazing to read them all?

 

- M